Reality Bites Hard

Today was the biggest dose of reality I have had in a LONG time.

Like, knock me off my feet, leave me speechless, reality. (okay, so I've never REALLY been speechless, but it messed with me.)

A year ago, I stepped off a plane in Africa and for the first time in my life came face to face with gut-wrenching poverty, abuse, and neglect. It had only in in pictures before, and there it was in front of me now, hitting me hard, challenging me to do more, be a better servant, live life more fully for HIS glory. As crazy as it sounds, it also taught me what it really means to have joy. I had never experienced so much joy as I did in Uganda and Ethiopia.

And, as expected, our trip last month resurfaced a lot of those same feelings. While it was just as difficult to experience such harsh situations of conditions and treatment FAR below what we Americans consider acceptable, there was always that thought, however nonsensical and irrelevent, that well, it is Africa and there are a whole spectrum of cultural and societal norms that we don't get here. I don't in anyway mean to "lighten" the brevity of what happens there, or to say that it is acceptable. Human life should be valued equally by Christ followers, no matter where a person is on this planet.

What I mean is, we all know there are drought and AIDS and disease and child neglect and sexual abuse in Africa. And I will tell you that knowing those in advance STILL don't prepare you for being there in the midst of it. And again, there was so much joy. But today...

today was a whole different ballgame.

Today, while Jack and Clara colored pictures at my feet, I sat down in a small DHS office and read through over 65 profiles of children needing adoptive placement in our state. And one by one, their stories poured over me and again and again I winced at the details of what many had endured in their short lives. Parents who were so hooked on meth they forgot to feed their children, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and on and on, ad nauseum.

By the time I finished reviewing the files and selecting which children I thought we wanted to be considered as a family for, two hours had passed and I was drained. Exhausted. And confused.

And then it hit me why. I wasn't naive about this process. I knew all along that we weren't going into this to end up getting the gerber baby born to a perfect mom. Those kids aren't in foster care. But, just like Africa, knowing something in theory and experiencing it are VERY different. And today, as I read about these precious children, I experienced it.

It hit home that we ALL, even us New American Standard-totin', smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-Bible-bel-livin', southern-gospel-lovin' Okies are part of a fallen, sin-ridden world. It's not just in Africa and far-off places that babies starve every night. It is in Oklahoma, America. And all 49 of the rest of these Great United States. It is right across town, and even down the street from our churches. And I didn't like it one little bit that it took me going across the globe to realize this. To REALLY get it.

I was asked today if, as I was reading about the kids, I had wished I could take them all. Nope.

Never once crossed my mind. I know I am not the right mom for all of them...

But someone is.

And until she "gets it" and steps forward, I remind myself that just as in Uganda, God is holding each of these children in his hands and cares just as much for them as he does for me. He will never leave them or forsake them, and he will walk beside them through ANY trials they encounter. and He WILL restore their souls. He is their savior, their redeemer and their friend. And most importantly, HE is their FATHER.

Did you have a fun vacation??

First and foremost, I want to say I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has asked me or will still ask me this, or similar questions, after my returning from Africa. This is me, merely trying to explain what I am feeling and what was experienced.

For the past two weeks you didn't see me at home. I haven't been to church, and my desk has been vacant. For all intensive purposes, from an outside perspective, I was on vacation. Whether or not you knew I was on a mission trip or not, the standard question sounds something like this:  How was your vacation? Did you have fun / have a good time?

I get it! I understand that, chances are you've not experienced something like this before. What else do would you ask?? I would ask the same questions. In fact, I have!  So if you've asked me this, or are not sure what to ask about the trip or just see me walking about with a blank stare or looking like a zombie, this is what is probably what is going on in my brain.

The first thought that goes through my head is this : No, it was absolutely not a "good time" like you are thinking. And you probably don't want to hear an honest recount of what I saw and did. The reason is because the first thing that comes to mind isn't kicking the soccer ball around, or playing a card game, or tickling and laughing with the kids we spent time with. The first thing that comes to mind is the 10 year old boy who had been locked in solitary confinement. Or the malnourished twins we saw. Or any one of the other nearly 2000 partially or totally orphaned children we ministered to.

I welcome the questions. But for the first week or so back, my answer is likely to be a partially blank stare, a grin and me saying, "oh, it was really good".  Please know that I am not purposefully hiding the truth from you. The honest truth is that I'm still trying to put in to words what the experience was like.

So here is the best generalized response I can muster...

Yes, I (we) did in fact have fun. A lot of fun!  Fun was the mission. To love and provide some joyful interaction with kids who REALLY REALLY needed it. But the fun was mixed in with a lot of tears (yes, plenty were mine) and lots of heartache. And as leaders, there was plenty of stress and plenty of having to be the "bad guy" when I didn't want to. But it was an amazing trip. We met amazing people, made some amazing friendships.

So, I understand the question and I apologize if my stories aren't completely forthcoming at first. Please understand that It's easy for me to write it like I did above. Emotionally, its nearly impossible to verbalize.  If you read this and haven't talked to me in person yet, please do me a favor, please ask me any and all questions you have - even if the question is; Did you have a fun vacation??  Sooner, rather then later I'll be able to have a normal dialog with you about it!

A Tale of Two Boys

As I talk more with the boy we consider our son here at Canaan, Isaac, and he tell us of his future plans, I can't help but think back to a young man of Isaac's age we met at M2 in Kampala. Nassar was very eager to talk to me and share his story with me. Never once did he display anger or sadness, but was just very matter of fact. I wondered if it was more that he was simply resigned to where his life had him. It seemed a common attitude among many of the boys and girls we met there.

Nassar shared that he came from a good family, but that he and his father fought much and his step mother didn't like him, so he was thrown out of the home. He was very skilled at computer and electronics so he went into Kampala to find work and support himself and also was a teacher of his skills. He worked at one of the plants and one day was asked by a woman to come be a day laborer, which he was glad to have the chance to do to earn more money, but when her husband came home and it was time for him to be done, the man refused to pay him. Nassar demanded payment, and the man called the police. Societal norms being what they are here in Uganda, Nassar was taken to the children's prison to await trial.

It was interesting to hear him talk of how thankful he was for the food and bed, but how he felt too idle. All he wanted was to get out so he could work with his hands and earn a living for himself. As I prayed with Nassar for peace over where God has placed him in this season of his life, I couldn't help but think of my Isaac.

Isaac has been at Canaan for many years. Although he has parents, they are very old and not capable of caring for him. I remember thinking last year that he was one of the brightest young men I had ever met, and my conversations with him since that time have only served to strengthen that view. He is so helpful here, and has a true blessing in his understanding of technology that has helped Canaan in many ways. He is set to graduate in December and will prepare to go to University next September.

The similarities in these 2 boys are numerous, and yet, by God's divine plan, their lives' paths have taken very different directions. I thank God for ministries like Canaan Children's Home that provide a loving, Christ-centered family environment for Isaac and the other 115 children who live here. I praise him for the Aunties and Uncles who love and care for them day and night. And for Papa Isaac and Mama Rebekah for listening to God's calling to start the home all those years ago. I am also thankful for a man like Moses and SixtyFeet for their commitment to the children in the 6 remand centers all across Uganda, showing them that someone is in their corner and teaching them of Christ's supremacy over all things in their lives.

Finally, I am thankful for Visiting Orphans for allowing us to follow God's call in our lives to come serve both the children of M2 and of Canaan's. For opening our eyes to the differences and similarities and to the hope in Christ that we all share together.

If you haven't ever considering following that call, maybe now is the time. There are countless children here and all over the world needing to feel Christ's arms around them and hear his words of love and encouragement. It's why we Christians are here... to take the Gospel to all nations. What are you waiting for?

A GIRL THING...mission accomplished!

Tonight after dinner most of the ladies from our team went with Mama Rebecca to visit the oldest group of girls here at Canaan to have some special girl time. 

Last fall when I had my pad party I had planned on sending them to Ethiopia, but because of scheduling problems for a follow up party to finish the pads, it ended up making moreense to just bring them with us on this trip.

We left the pads I brought with Rebecca Sorrenson at My Father's House, but another team member also made some so I brought all my leftover fabric and supplies so we could give them to the girls to be able to replace these when needed. 

Oh. My. Goodness.  The time with the girls was so precious and honestly one of my favorite experiences I have had on one of these trips.  We got to have good chats about how this issue that we sometime grow weary of dealing with is really a blessing from God because it makes it possible for us to become mothers one day.  There were plenty of giggles when I demonstrated how to use the holders and the pads, but they were all grinning ear to ear when the individual kits were passed out. 

After that, we painted their nails and talked with them and they each were fitted for a new bra.

You wanna make a teenage girl here ecstatic, give her bra! It was amazing to see their faces light up and witness the pride they had. 

I love that God allowed all of us to take a taboo subject that all women deal with and turned it into a beautiful ministry opportunity. 

Visiting orphans isn't just about holding the sweet babies and playing soccer with the young boys, but extends to sweet moments shared between girls, celebrating the wonder of womanhood given to us by our heavenly Father in his goodness.