First and foremost, I want to say I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has asked me or will still ask me this, or similar questions, after my returning from Africa. This is me, merely trying to explain what I am feeling and what was experienced.
For the past two weeks you didn't see me at home. I haven't been to church, and my desk has been vacant. For all intensive purposes, from an outside perspective, I was on vacation. Whether or not you knew I was on a mission trip or not, the standard question sounds something like this: How was your vacation? Did you have fun / have a good time?
I get it! I understand that, chances are you've not experienced something like this before. What else do would you ask?? I would ask the same questions. In fact, I have! So if you've asked me this, or are not sure what to ask about the trip or just see me walking about with a blank stare or looking like a zombie, this is what is probably what is going on in my brain.
The first thought that goes through my head is this : No, it was absolutely not a "good time" like you are thinking. And you probably don't want to hear an honest recount of what I saw and did. The reason is because the first thing that comes to mind isn't kicking the soccer ball around, or playing a card game, or tickling and laughing with the kids we spent time with. The first thing that comes to mind is the 10 year old boy who had been locked in solitary confinement. Or the malnourished twins we saw. Or any one of the other nearly 2000 partially or totally orphaned children we ministered to.
I welcome the questions. But for the first week or so back, my answer is likely to be a partially blank stare, a grin and me saying, "oh, it was really good". Please know that I am not purposefully hiding the truth from you. The honest truth is that I'm still trying to put in to words what the experience was like.
So here is the best generalized response I can muster...
For the past two weeks you didn't see me at home. I haven't been to church, and my desk has been vacant. For all intensive purposes, from an outside perspective, I was on vacation. Whether or not you knew I was on a mission trip or not, the standard question sounds something like this: How was your vacation? Did you have fun / have a good time?
I get it! I understand that, chances are you've not experienced something like this before. What else do would you ask?? I would ask the same questions. In fact, I have! So if you've asked me this, or are not sure what to ask about the trip or just see me walking about with a blank stare or looking like a zombie, this is what is probably what is going on in my brain.
The first thought that goes through my head is this : No, it was absolutely not a "good time" like you are thinking. And you probably don't want to hear an honest recount of what I saw and did. The reason is because the first thing that comes to mind isn't kicking the soccer ball around, or playing a card game, or tickling and laughing with the kids we spent time with. The first thing that comes to mind is the 10 year old boy who had been locked in solitary confinement. Or the malnourished twins we saw. Or any one of the other nearly 2000 partially or totally orphaned children we ministered to.
I welcome the questions. But for the first week or so back, my answer is likely to be a partially blank stare, a grin and me saying, "oh, it was really good". Please know that I am not purposefully hiding the truth from you. The honest truth is that I'm still trying to put in to words what the experience was like.
So here is the best generalized response I can muster...
Yes, I (we) did in fact have fun. A lot of fun! Fun was the mission. To love and provide some joyful interaction with kids who REALLY REALLY needed it. But the fun was mixed in with a lot of tears (yes, plenty were mine) and lots of heartache. And as leaders, there was plenty of stress and plenty of having to be the "bad guy" when I didn't want to. But it was an amazing trip. We met amazing people, made some amazing friendships.So, I understand the question and I apologize if my stories aren't completely forthcoming at first. Please understand that It's easy for me to write it like I did above. Emotionally, its nearly impossible to verbalize. If you read this and haven't talked to me in person yet, please do me a favor, please ask me any and all questions you have - even if the question is; Did you have a fun vacation?? Sooner, rather then later I'll be able to have a normal dialog with you about it!
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